JOKE THREAD

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JOKE THREAD

Post by nomeradona on Sun Dec 28, 2008 8:36 pm

First topic message reminder :

gawa nga tayo ng joke thread. basta clean jokes lang ha.

una na ako...

BAMPIRA

sa Pilipinas daw, dahil sa kahirapan ng buhay marami na daw yung mga bampira. listen to the telphone conversation. si Ina tinawagan si Noynoy na nasa Saudi

INA: Noynoy sensya na anak napatawag ako, kasi si Junjun may sakit, la naman kami dito, wala BAMPIRA dyan.
si Neneng wala ring isuot sa Prom, wala BAMPIRA dyan. ganun din si Bokbok walang pangmatrikula wala BAMPIRA talaga dyan.

diba ang daming Bampira.

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by crayzard on Mon May 11, 2009 11:06 pm

-=gasolina=-
pinoy:waiter??
waiter:ano pong order nyo?
pinoy:lugaw nga ung large..
waiter:17 pesos po
pinoy:15 lang khapon!
waiter:mahal na poh kc ang gasolina
pinoy: eh di kahit wag mong lagyan ng gasolina...!!

Ututin na boyfriend
Binibisita ng boyfriend ang kanyang girlfriend. Kumain sila at umupo sa salas.
Marami ang nakain ng bf at kailangan niyang maglabas ng masamang hangin. Ngunit nahihiya siya sa gf niya. Pinigil ng bf ang pag-utot, pero hindi niya na ito nakaya.
PPOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!
Huminto ang bf sa paggalaw. Hiyang0-hiya siya at pulang pula ang mukha. Tiningnan niya ang gf niya.
Walang siya ang gf, pero biglang tinawag ang aso na nasa ilalim ng upuan ng bf.
"Rex, umalis ka nga dyan!"
Pero walang kilos ang aso. Nakahinga ng maluwag ang bf at inisip - "Hay salamat, akala niya yung aso ang umutot!"
Nag-chat sila, ngunit nakaraan ang ilang sandali ay napapa-utot muli ang bf dahil talagang ang dami niyang kinain. Hindi niya ulit ito napigilan.
PPPOOOOOOTTTTT!!!!
Kinabahan ulit ang bf at namula. Muling sinabi ng gf, "Rex, ano ka ba? Umalis ka dyan sabi eh!"
Wala paring kibo ang aso. "Hay salamat sa aso," isip ng bf, "Akala niya ulit yung aso ang umutot."
Nag-chat ulit sila, pero napapa-utot ulit ang bf at hindi niya ito napigilan.
PPPPOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!!
Tumayo ang gf "Rex! Umalis ka dyan baka mataihan ka!!!!"

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by mechanic on Tue May 12, 2009 12:24 am

"I have read that eating smoking and drinking liquor is dangerous to your health......so finally I stop READING!"

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by qui gon on Tue May 12, 2009 12:35 am

crayzard wrote:-=gasolina=-
pinoy:waiter??
waiter:ano pong order nyo?
pinoy:lugaw nga ung large..
waiter:17 pesos po
pinoy:15 lang khapon!
waiter:mahal na poh kc ang gasolina
pinoy: eh di kahit wag mong lagyan ng gasolina...!!

Ututin na boyfriend
Binibisita ng boyfriend ang kanyang girlfriend. Kumain sila at umupo sa salas.
Marami ang nakain ng bf at kailangan niyang maglabas ng masamang hangin. Ngunit nahihiya siya sa gf niya. Pinigil ng bf ang pag-utot, pero hindi niya na ito nakaya.
PPOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!
Huminto ang bf sa paggalaw. Hiyang0-hiya siya at pulang pula ang mukha. Tiningnan niya ang gf niya.
Walang siya ang gf, pero biglang tinawag ang aso na nasa ilalim ng upuan ng bf.
"Rex, umalis ka nga dyan!"
Pero walang kilos ang aso. Nakahinga ng maluwag ang bf at inisip - "Hay salamat, akala niya yung aso ang umutot!"
Nag-chat sila, ngunit nakaraan ang ilang sandali ay napapa-utot muli ang bf dahil talagang ang dami niyang kinain. Hindi niya ulit ito napigilan.
PPPOOOOOOTTTTT!!!!
Kinabahan ulit ang bf at namula. Muling sinabi ng gf, "Rex, ano ka ba? Umalis ka dyan sabi eh!"
Wala paring kibo ang aso. "Hay salamat sa aso," isip ng bf, "Akala niya ulit yung aso ang umutot."
Nag-chat ulit sila, pero napapa-utot ulit ang bf at hindi niya ito napigilan.
PPPPOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!!
Tumayo ang gf "Rex! Umalis ka dyan baka mataihan ka!!!!"


utot ako ng utot ngyon!!!! lol! lol!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by kurdaps! on Tue May 12, 2009 12:55 am

Basahin sa titik tagalog

B K W L K M G W P R M S Y K,
T W K H H H L L L, H H H T M N P R K N T NG








Rolling Eyes

_________________
Happy moments:PRAISE GOD. Difficult  moments:SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments:WORSHIP GOD. Painful moments:TRUST GOD.
Every moment:THANK  GOD.


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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by cubi_o: on Tue May 12, 2009 1:09 am

hahahahaha... lol! lol!


lurkering this thread pag gusto kong tumawa...hehehe..

ang kukulit...... lol! lol! dancing

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by cubi_o: on Tue May 12, 2009 1:10 am

In a coffee shop

Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs...fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat? toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano

Waiter: We don't have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don't have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis....

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by cubi_o: on Tue May 12, 2009 1:11 am

Who is better

A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight."

So the Chinese guy says "I love liver and cheese." She says "That's not good enough"
The Japanese man says "I hate liver and cheese" She says "That's not creative"

Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by JAKE on Tue May 12, 2009 1:23 am

anak: nay, 8 yrs old na po ako pede na ba ko magbra?
inay: hindi!!

after 4yrs...
anak: nay, 12yrs old na po ako, pede na ba ko magbra?
inay: hindi pede!!!

after 4yrs uli...
anak: nay, 16yrs old na po ako, pede na ba ko magbra?
inay: HEH! MANAHIMIK KA NGA BRANDO... AMBISYOSA KANG BAKLA KA!!!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by crayzard on Tue May 12, 2009 1:36 am

^^ hehehe bakla ang bruha

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by JAKE on Tue May 12, 2009 1:39 am

hehehe... sa avatar mo ko natawa ser...

lol!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by crayzard on Tue May 12, 2009 1:46 am

LESSON FOR THE DAY
TEACHER: Lahat tayo nagmula kay adan at eva

STUDENT: Mam, hndi yan 220.. Sbi ng tatay nagmula daw tayo sa unggoy!

TEACHER: iho, hindi natin pinag-uusapan d2 pamilya mo!

500-word essay
TEACHER: boy, read your 500-word essay

BOY: opo!
My Cat...bow.
I have a cat Muning. Muning was lost so I went outside the house to look for Muning.

Muning! (482 times)

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by crayzard on Tue May 12, 2009 1:50 am

Kumpisal
Killer: Father ptwarin sna ako ng diyos 99 pari po ang napatay ko.
Pari: Bakit mo nman sila pinatay?
Killer: Kasi naniniwala sila sa Diyos kayo po ba naniniwala rin?
Pari: Ako? hndi ah! pero minsan trip trip na lang.. hehe

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by nomeradona on Tue May 12, 2009 1:52 am

kurdaps! wrote:Basahin sa titik tagalog

B K W L K M G W P R M S Y K,
T W K H H H L L L, H H H T M N P R K N T NG
Rolling Eyes
hahahaha napaka creative,,,,

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by JAKE on Tue May 12, 2009 2:03 am

anak: nay, nay may mens na ko!!!
inay: hah! anong kulay aber?
anak: dark brown!!!
inay: LINTIK KA BRANDO.. TAE YAN!!! HALA MAGHUGAS KA, AMBISYOSA KANG BRUHA KA!!!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by qui gon on Tue May 12, 2009 2:15 am

JAKE wrote:anak: nay, nay may mens na ko!!!
inay: hah! anong kulay aber?
anak: dark brown!!!
inay: LINTIK KA BRANDO.. TAE YAN!!! HALA MAGHUGAS KA, AMBISYOSA KANG BRUHA KA!!!


lol! lol! in na in ang mga federasyones itich

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by virus on Tue May 12, 2009 6:26 am

tip for a long life...

Wag mo isusulat ang pangalan mo sa condolence book pag dumalaw ka sa patay...


kasi pagkatapos ng libing magkakaroon ng raffle kung sinu ang susunod..
Very Happy

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by virus on Tue May 12, 2009 6:32 am

gf my tinga ng beans sa ipin....

BF: Honey, kaya ko hulaan ulam mo knina.

GF:hhhmmmm, o sige nga.. Ano?

BF: mongo!

GF: wehhhh!!!! mali!! kahapon pa un.. No

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by virus on Tue May 12, 2009 6:36 am

sa bilibid prison....

WARDEN: sa araw na ito, lahat kayo ay magkakaroon ng bagong brief!

PRESO: Yeheeeyyy!!! Ambait mo warden..!

WARDEN: Ok, cell A and cell B,, Exchange briefs..!! Laughing

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by pixelburn on Tue May 12, 2009 6:39 am

Honeymoon..

BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.
GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Di ba dati may alaga kang ahas?
BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by pixelburn on Tue May 12, 2009 6:41 am

(Sa loob ng Mall)

GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.
Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman!
GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since...

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by pixelburn on Tue May 12, 2009 6:44 am

AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
PULUBI: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED!!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by JAKE on Tue May 12, 2009 7:01 am

I thought my life is lonely till I saw a man with no arms but
happily shakes his body. I asked him: "You don't have arms, why are you
so happy?" He answered: "di ako happy, makati lang itlog ko!" tongue

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by virus on Tue May 12, 2009 7:06 am

klase ng maninginom:

Pointguard: mahilig magpass ng tagay.

The Transporter: Palipat lipat ng puwesto. Iwas tagay.

The Martyr: Nagpapanggap na kaya pa kahit senglot na.

Kid Senti: Dami inaalala pag nakainum na.

The Fugitive: Naglalahong parang bula.

Kung Fu: Kung Fumulutan maluet. Tirador ng pulutan. Ginagawang picnic.

The Chosen One: Official runner sa tindahan. Bili yosi, yelo alak, pulutan.

Spiderman: Gumagapang na sa daan pag umuuwi dahil sa kalasingan..

san kayo dito??
Laughing

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by pixelburn on Tue May 12, 2009 7:07 am

BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by pixelburn on Tue May 12, 2009 7:09 am

virus wrote:klase ng maninginom:



Kung Fu: Kung Fumulutan maluet. Tirador ng pulutan. Ginagawang picnic.


Laughing

hahaha! ito siguro ako! hehehe

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by JAKE on Tue May 12, 2009 7:13 am

A lizard fell on a table.

Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae;
Kikay: Eew, lizard!;
Astig: Shit, butiki!;
Mataray: Shucks, butiks!;
Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste!;
Mahirap: Pare, ulam!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by Sponsored content Today at 2:41 am


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