JOKE THREAD

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JOKE THREAD

Post by nomeradona on Sun Dec 28, 2008 8:36 pm

First topic message reminder :

gawa nga tayo ng joke thread. basta clean jokes lang ha.

una na ako...

BAMPIRA

sa Pilipinas daw, dahil sa kahirapan ng buhay marami na daw yung mga bampira. listen to the telphone conversation. si Ina tinawagan si Noynoy na nasa Saudi

INA: Noynoy sensya na anak napatawag ako, kasi si Junjun may sakit, la naman kami dito, wala BAMPIRA dyan.
si Neneng wala ring isuot sa Prom, wala BAMPIRA dyan. ganun din si Bokbok walang pangmatrikula wala BAMPIRA talaga dyan.

diba ang daming Bampira.

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by dumzblood on Sat Apr 17, 2010 5:15 am

bwahahahahahahah...galit n galit sa pakistani bro h =)) lol peace man
isinama m sana mga itik dyan ...lol lol!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by keitzkoy on Sat Apr 17, 2010 8:36 am

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping.
Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and
I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Heaven and Free!


P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.
I hope that's not a problem.

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by dumzblood on Sat Apr 24, 2010 3:38 pm

A CHINESE TO A CHINESE SHOULD NEVER COMMUNICATE IN A
FOREIGN LANGUAGE....

Chinese speaking to a Chinese telephone operator:
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital.Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that is not an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I am Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name.

bwahahahahhaha Twisted Evil Twisted Evil lol!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by one9dew on Sat Apr 24, 2010 5:36 pm

Phingphong's joke book!!mas madami pa dito!baka di magkasya dito sa joke thread!!sino may gusto?taas kamay,he2

2thumbsup lol! lol! lol!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by phranq on Sat May 01, 2010 9:44 am

pinoy I
contest: "Pinaka kadiring tao sa mundo."
contesant, isang amerikano, isang intsik, at isang pilipino..
Americano:(Dumara ng kulay green na plema)
Audince: Yuck!!
Chinese:(Suminga ng kulay dilaw na sipon)
Audince: Eeeeeww!!
Pilipino:(bumwelo............ ................... ................... dinilaan ang uhog at plema..)
Panalo!!




Nakalimutan
Apo: Bilib talaga ako sa’yo, lolo! Hanggang ngayon, ‘Sweetheart’ at ‘Honey’ pa rin ang tawag mo kay lola!
Lolo: Ssshhh… teknik ‘yan! Nakalimutan ko na kasi ang pangalan ng lola mo!




patatas

Nag-usap ang magkumare. Alam mo mare pag nakikita ko ang patatas na yan, naalala ko ang bayag ng mister ko.
Tanong ni Kumare: Bakit? ganyan ba kalaki ?
Sagot ni Mare: Hindi, ganyan "kalibag".

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by phranq on Sat May 01, 2010 10:39 am

Anak: Mommy, ang ganda ng bracelet mo. Bigay ba ni Daddy yan?
Mommy: Ay naku anak, kung sa Daddy mo lang ako aasa, baka pati ikaw wala sa mundong ito.

Theme song of married couples....
1 to 10 years - Araw-araw gabi-gabi
11 to 25 years - Saan ka man naroon
26 to 49 years - Gaano kadalas ang Minsan
50 years and up - Maalaala mo kaya


Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? ('May bahay')
Ano naman ang kabit? ('May condo')


Doc: 'Ano ang trabaho mo, iha?'
Girl: 'Substitute po.'
Doc: 'Di kaya prostitute ?'
Girl: 'Doc, kaibigan ko ang prostitute. Kung hindi siya puwede, ako ang pumapalit!'

In an obstetricians clinic:
Doc: 'Hubad na, iha. Huwag kang mag-alala... -. I won't take
advantage of you!'
Girl: 'Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty at bra ko?'
Doc: 'Diyan lang sa may tabi ng brief ko.'


BARTENDER: Sir, napansin ko bawat inom ninyo tum itingin kayo sa bulsa ninyo.
MAN: Ahh, ito? Picture ng Misis ko ito.... pag maganda na siya sa
tingin ko, uuwi na ako.

Guy : Doc, hina ng tenga ko. Di ko marinig kahit utot ko.
DR. : Heto inumin mo ng isang linggo.
GUY : Lalakas na ang pandinig ko?
DR. : Hindi lalakas na ang utot mo!


Jinggoy: Dad, pang ilang Tirso Cruz na si Tirso Cruz III?
Erap :(natawa) trick question ba yan anak? Eh, di pang-lima, kaya na PIP ang tawag sa kanya, di ba?

Genie: Dahil pinalaya mo ako, may 3 wishes ka!
Man:UNA Gawin mo akong rich, pero di bayad ng tax;
PAGALAWA powerful, pero di halata;
PANGATLO notorious, pero wala sabit.
Genie: Okay, mula ngayon ikaw na si PING LACSON..


Doc: Congrats! Tell your husband you're pregnant.
Lady: I'm single.
Doc: Tell your lover.
Lady: There's no lover.
Doc: OK, then. Tell your parents to start praying....you will become the next Virgin Mary.


A lady visits her doctor again.
Doc: You looked more sick & exhausted than before. Are you having three meals a day as I advised?
Lady: What? I thought you said three MALES a day!

Jinggoy: Dad totoo bang may side effect ang Viagra?
Erap: t*ng*, sa harap ang effect niyan hindi sa side.


Erap: 'Doc, I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone!'
Doc: 'Is it choking?'
Erap: 'No, it is Max's.'
Doc: 'I don't mean 'Chow King', I mean, are you choking....'
Erap: 'No, Doc! Serioso ako, Doc!'

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by skyscraper100 on Sun May 09, 2010 10:23 am

Girl nangungulangot sa jeep..
Tinanong ng matandang babae..

LOLA: ineng, anong kinukuha mo?

GIRL: nursing po..

LOLA: ah...kala ko kulangot..
___________________________________________

NANAY:Nak, damihan mo sinaing kasama pati pusa at aso.
ANAK:Opo nay.

Makalipas ang isang oras.....

NANAY:Lintek!!bakit may pusa sa sinain?!



ANAK:Hindi ko na nga po sinama ung aso kasi hindi na kasya eehh...

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by skyscraper100 on Wed May 12, 2010 2:09 pm

Top 5 Rejected Slogans for Mayor Jejomar Binay’s Vice-Presidential Campaign

5: Kung nais mo ng liwanag, iboto ang DILIM.

4: Feeling tired? Looking haggard? Sagot ni Binay ang yellow card!

3: Gilagid man ay maitim, malinis naman ang hangarin.

2: No Retreat, No Surrender, Kahit May Kasong Plunder!

And the No.1 rejected slogan for Mayor Jejomar Binay’s presidential campaign…


1: Sinimulang pandarambong sa munisipyo
Ipagpapatuloy ko sa palasyo!
(Promise, may share uli kayo.
Ooops, joke lang po ito!)

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by Leslie Adona on Tue Jun 01, 2010 4:08 am

NO MORE ERAP JOKES; PACQUIAO NAMAN 


]Genie:[/color] Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
Aling Dionisia: Talaga?...gusto ko gumanda!
Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.
Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?
Genie: Hindi. Babalik na lang ako

Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?
Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA!


Reporter: Noong nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know

Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
Doctor (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na?
Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?

Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo..
Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know… 


Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.
Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.

Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu, anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin … “MANKY”...... 


Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko. 
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun. 
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh. 
Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu? 
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky) 



Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets
Jinky : Lambing mo talaga. mwah !! Nasan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita… ang dilim!!

Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar sa Gen San?
Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... ang masasabi ku lang diyan ay .... 
Reporter: Ano..?
Manny: Ahh, kwan, ... maraming Fish sa Gen San pero wala masyado umo-Order!

Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk 


Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang na pupusuan? 

Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!

Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!! 
Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal

Las Vegas 
Waiter: May i take your order, Madam? 
Aling Dionisia: Soup 
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day? 
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks! 



Sa isang Birthday Party 
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!

You is!' 'you is! you is!', sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika … 
Andito na ako sa ‘you is!’ 


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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by Ernest on Tue Jun 01, 2010 4:23 am

NO MORE ERAP JOKES; PACQUIAO NAMAN 


super lol! lol! lol! lol!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by skyscraper100 on Tue Jun 01, 2010 6:02 am

nyahahahahah

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by lakaivikoi on Tue Jun 01, 2010 6:11 am

lol!

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by Leslie Adona on Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:23 am

Museum

sa isang museum… Jose: ito ba?? ito bang ang tinatawag ninyon ART?! PWE! ang PANGET! nakakasuka! painting ba ito???!! Guide: no sir… Jose: eh anu ba ito! nakakasuka talaga! ang pangit pangit pangit pangit!! sinu gumawa nito? di man lang nahiya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guide: sir… mirror po yan…!!!!!

English is easy ??
who says English is easy? dont believe? then fill the blank with either “YES or NO” “oh____, I am a monkey.” sEe?? hirap !

RELIGION


isang araw merong 3 magkakaibigan, isang Pinoy, isang Chinese at isang muslim…. niyaya ng chinese ang dalawa papunta mlpit sa bangin

chinese- kapag tumalon ako sa bangin na ito sasagipin ako ni BUDAH

”at tumalon ang chinese”

chinese-budah, budah,budah,budah,budah

”at nakaligtas ang chinese”

‘’sumonod ang muslim”

,muslim- alah, alah,alah,alah, alah ,hala,hala, hala!

”natigok ang muslim”

at panghuli ang pilipino

pilipino- God,God,God,God,God

”pero nung pahulog na ang pilipino”

pilipino- BUDAH,BUDAH,BUDAH,BUDAH! smart kid



A first-grade teacher, Ms. Neelam was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,”Boy, what is your problem?”

Boy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”
Ms. Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal’s office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Boy: “9″.

Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”

Boy: “36″.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms. Neelam and tells her, “I think Boy can go to the third-grade.”

Ms. Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?” The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms. Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy, after a moment “Legs.”

Ms. Neelam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

Boy: “Pockets.”

Ms. Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Ms. Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Ms. Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…

Boy: Shake hands

Ms. Neelam: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Ms. Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Ms. Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms. Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Ms. Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot
of heat and excitement?

Boy: Firetruck

Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.

Boy: Fork

Ms. Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?

Boy: SURNAME

Ms. Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy to the University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”

ANG BOSERO

May bata na nasa bubong, binobosohan ang mag-syota

girl: Paano kapag nabuntis mo ako?

boy: bahala na ang nasa taas

bosero: Hala!! bakit ako? eh nanunood lang ako ah..


ang gerlpren

buboy: pare alam mo nag-away kami ng gerlpren ko, nag-historical siya

george: pare baka ibig mong sabihin eh hysterical?

buboy: hinde, historical kasi inungkat niya lahat ng kasalanan ko

(ayun naman pala eh…)

ka-cornihan

gf: alam mo babe, para kang tae.

bf: (gustong batukan ang gf pero hindi magawa) ang sama mo naman!!

gf: seryoso ako noh!!

bf: at bakit naman?

gf: para kang tae kasi..hindi kita mapaglaruan..

peace man Very Happy








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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by Leslie Adona on Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:54 am

PACMAN SA BANGKO


Mag-wiwithdraw ng money si Manny sa banko.
Manny — Bigyan mo nga ako ng PIN dahil magwi-withdraw ako.
Teller — Dapat ay may sarili na kayong PIN na ginagamit.
Manny– Oo nga pero nakalimutan ko,eh.
Teller– Sorry,sir pero di ko kayo matutulungan.
Manny — Puwede bang lapis ang gamitin ko at hindi na bull pin?


Ang AStig


isang araw,

nakita ni juan si pedro na nag tatanim

pero napansin nya na wala syang tinatanim
agad agad na nilapitan ni juan si pedro

at tinanong nya na “pedro ano yang tinatanim mo? parang wala ka namang tinatanim?

sagot ni pedro”SEEDLESS to tol! SEEDLES!

buntis

GIRL 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?

GIRL 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh!

GIRL 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya ?

GIRL 2 : yung misis niya!

ang kabit bow..

boylet at kabit.. nagde-date

boylet: honey, anong name ko sa phonebook mo?

kabit:Mcdo..kasi LOVE KO ‘TO
boylet: hahaha..ang sweet naman, ikaw naman BDO

kabit: bakit?

boylet: kasi WE FIND WAYS..


hapi?
President gma

GMA n her family riding an

airpLane

GMA: Wht if I throw 1 check

wrth a million pesos out of d
window 2 make at least 1 PiLipino

hapi?


Mike A: Honey , why nt throw

2 cheks worth half a million

pesos 2 make 2 Pilipinos



Luli A: Mom, y not throw 4

cheks wrth quarter of a

million 2 make 4 Plpinos

hapi?

Fnaly her grnddaughter

spoke: Grandma, y nt simply

THROW YOURSELF out of d

window 2 make ALL PiLipinos

hapi?

Ganun?!


ANOTHER EXAMPLE

Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?

ERAP: Carabao, ma’am! Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?

ERAP: How about another Carabao?



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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by SunDance on Tue Jul 06, 2010 2:14 am

Leslie Adona wrote:NO MORE ERAP JOKES; PACQUIAO NAMAN 


]Genie:[/color] Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
Aling Dionisia: Talaga?...gusto ko gumanda!
Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.
Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?
Genie: Hindi. Babalik na lang ako

Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?
Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA!


Reporter: Noong nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know

Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
Doctor (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na?
Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?

Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo..
Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know… 


Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.
Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.

Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu, anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin … “MANKY”...... 


Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko. 
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun. 
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh. 
Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu? 
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky) 



Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets
Jinky : Lambing mo talaga. mwah !! Nasan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita… ang dilim!!

Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar sa Gen San?
Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... ang masasabi ku lang diyan ay .... 
Reporter: Ano..?
Manny: Ahh, kwan, ... maraming Fish sa Gen San pero wala masyado umo-Order!

Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk 


Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang na pupusuan? 

Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!

Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!! 
Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal

Las Vegas 
Waiter: May i take your order, Madam? 
Aling Dionisia: Soup 
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day? 
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks! 



Sa isang Birthday Party 
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!

You is!' 'you is! you is!', sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika … 
Andito na ako sa ‘you is!’ 



panalo!!!! Laughing

SunDance
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Age : 95
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Registration date : 23/09/2008

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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by wyntallo on Tue Jul 06, 2010 3:08 am

iQ tEst..maTaliNoh kA bvAh..?i tEst mO nA..!

Q: What's the difference between a kiss, a car, and a monkey?

A: A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear, a monkey is you my dear.

Q: What will happen to a wooden car with a wooden wheel and a wooden engine?

A: It wooden start.

Q: Bakit intsik ang kinikidnap hindi bumbay?

A:Kasi pag bumbay, ang bayaran ng ransom ay hulugan, sa intsik cash!



anong mas malaki?

joey: sagutin mo to ha....
boyet: ano??
joey: yung eroplano pinasok sa barko, yung barko pinasok sa bus, yung bus pinasok sa jeep, ung jeep pinasok sa tricycle..... anong mas malaki??
boyet: syempre yung tricycle...biruin mo nag kasya yung eroplano,barko,bus,at jeep....
joey: mali..hindi ang tricycle ang mas malaki....
boyet: eh anong mas malaki??
joey: edi ung KATANGAHAN mo!!!! hindi naman kasya ang eroplano sa barko,barko sa bus, bus sa jeep, at jeep sa tricycle!!!TANGA!!!!


TSUNAMI

Ano ang tawag sa malaking tsunami?
eh di tsuMAMI (mommy)tongue

eh ano naman tawag sa maliit na tsunami?
eh di tsuNANO (unano)tongue

hahahaha. peace man



Battle of the brainless

Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines ?

Contestant: Niyog?

Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.

Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!

Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?

Contestant: Sa back?

Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).

Contestant: Likod?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name nito ( Rizal Park ).

Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)



Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?

Contestant: Banyo?

Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.

Contestant: Bubong?

Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.

Contestant: Beerhouse!



Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?

Contestant: Lifebuoy?

Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan nito.

Contestant : Safeguard?

Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant : Safe Buoy?

Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!



Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?

Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.

Contestant: Siyokoy?

Host: Hindi ito lalake.

Contestant: Siyoke?



Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?

Contestant: Sunflower?

Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.

Contestant: Stork?

Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?

Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?

Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at
dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant: Si...Sharon Cuneta!



Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?

Contestant: Carole KING?

Host: Hindi, mas mababa sa king.

Contestant: Al QUINN?

Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.

Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.

Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?

Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.

Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT ?

Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.

Contestant: Jerry PONS?

Host: Oh, ay! an na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa

Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.

Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!



Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500

Peso bill? Clue, may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)

Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".

Contestant: Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.

Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.

Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!



One more, dagdag:



Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of the Philippines ?

Contestant: Kuto?

Host: Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.

Contestant: Kutong Lupa!


wyntallo
CGP Newbie
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Number of posts : 63
Age : 30
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Registration date : 16/12/2009

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Mga ka CGP Katuwaan lang

Post by jhero on Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:04 pm

good day mga ka CGP. Katuwaan lang anong number kayo dito pagnalalasing. hehehe
magpakatotoo kayo mga tropa ha! katuwaan lang naman hehehe
kung meron na nga pa lang thread nato admin pakiclose na lang hehe
ako number 2,9,10 hehehe


jhero
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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by edosayla on Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:41 pm

buti na lang hindi ako umiinom Smile

edosayla
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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by vhychenq on Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:59 pm

haha!buti na lang di na ko umiinom!,na-experience ko ata lahat maliban sa ikwento yung buhay ng buong angkan.hahah! lol!

vhychenq
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Re: JOKE THREAD

Post by Sponsored content Today at 6:52 pm


Sponsored content


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